Broken Heart Lifestyle

Submit your questions for Dear Hoopers here 

Dear Hoopers,
Hello! I’m 40 and full of energy. I’m aging well and have been compared to Annalise Bosso. Things are great. I’m growing my own company and doing yoga and running with my dogs. I have been in love four times in my life and married one of the three men in those four (there was one woman). My husband bolted at the prospect of having children and I was devastated but I’ve moved on.

Outside of those four, I’ve barely even had crushes. I’m not sure if I’m completely attracted to women, but I know that I would have been ecstatic to marry the one lady I liked. One of the men has been in and out of my life. He got married seven years ago and I pulled a stunt like the one Kiera Knightley’s character experienced in the movie “Love Actually.” And like in the movie, he took it well and I walked away feeling satisfied. The problem is, I’m getting older and it feels like having a broken heart is really becoming a lifestyle for me. I don’t know why I get so honed in on one person? I kind of long for the 50’s where you married the first one you found. It would have saved me a lot of pain. Any ideas for getting past this would be appreciated. I’m motivated to change, I just don’t know how!
-Broken Heart Lifestyle

Dear Broken Heart Lifestyle,
Finding a soulmate isn’t easy! It takes a conglomeration of timing, personality fit, and situation all coming together. Even when you find someone that is a fantastic match for you like your first husband, an important issue such as desire to have children can derail the relationship. So, here you are at age 40 living your life and living it well. That’s awesome! It sounds like you are very satisfied with where things are at professionally and with most aspects of your personal life.

While you are content in much of your life, the lack of a romantic partner is getting to you. You fear that your current singleness is becoming a long-term lifestyle. Depending on how important a partner is to you, it is time to take action. If finding a meaningful relationship is a major priority for you, then you will have to treat it that way.

A partner won’t appear out of thin air, so you have to search for the right person.

-Dr. Ryan

Life isn’t a movie. A partner won’t appear out of thin air, so you have to search for the right person. This will take time and effort, but if you are committed and open to the process I guarantee you will meet some suitable suitors.

Sign up for online dating, look into a matchmaking service, get into some local art classes, whatever it takes to meet new matches. There are so many ways to meet people these days, but you won’t know what works for you until you put yourself out there. You’re a wonderful catch, now it’s time to find someone that can keep up with your energy and lifestyle.
-Dr. Ryan

Dear Broken Heart Lifestyle,
Forty, full of energy, girl-boss, active; you are amazing!  It sounds like you are in a very healthy spot in your life. Love CAN be found after forty and having a healthy, happy life is a great place to start. There may not be a science to finding the perfect mate, but there is great joy in being comfortable in your own skin.

Keep moving forward. You can’t approach love when you’re worried about your past losses or it will forever torment your experience. This doesn’t mean that you have to become a different person. There is no fairytale transformation that needs to take place for you to find love. You just must be open to it.

There is no fairytale transformation that needs to take place for you to find love.


You are a fascinating woman who knows much more about yourself than you did in your 20s. Surround yourself by positive people who fill your life with happiness and then get out and about! Be open to the change and embrace your freedom as a single woman. By giving love an opportunity to enter you will begin encountering more opportunity. Have fun and enjoy yourself.